The Sub Scribe

Honesty. Honesty is tricky.

Honesty in a relationship is a two part thing. First you have to be honest with yourself, and then you have to be honest with your lover. The first part of that is often the hardest to achieve. The second part is the more frightening.

The thing is, right, that femdom has always been part of our relationship. From the moment she danced close with another man at a party, looking me straight in the eye as she did so, gauging, and finding pleasure, in my reaction, it’s been there.

But it’s always been a game. That’s what we call it - a “game” or “playing games”. But that’s not true. That’s not honest.

The problem is that deeply and fundamentally, I was attracted to her because she’s dominant and because her inclinations are dominant. It’s a fundamental part of how I feel about her, deeply entwined in the way I love her. This isn’t just a fantasy we act out sometimes - it’s part of what our relationship is. I don’t play at being her slave. I am her slave.

I’ve only just realised this. And, honesty demands that I talk it through with her. Where will this lead? Maybe everywhere. Maybe nowhere.

I’ll let you know.

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This is a chastening post. A blog goes quiet, and then a sudden, final post explaining that the femdom relationship has broken up.

I wonder how common this is?

I wonder how many of the blog that start full of excitement and enthusiasm and abruptly end are little virtual graveyards of attempts to build a femdom relationship? Their lack of updates a mute testimony to human dynamics and the fact that an unconventional power exchange is too much for some people.

Something to think about.

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One of the elements of my submissive nature I struggle to understand the most is my desire for my mistress to be flirting with, dancing with, making out with other men. This isn’t a threesome thing - I have no strong feelings one way or another about whether I need to be there or not. And I’m certainly not interested in any interaction with the other man involved.

Bizarrely, of all places, I found a powerful description of the basic impulse at work here in a vanilla blog; Susan Senator’s family blog. In a piece called Flirting with Disaster she describes how she finds herself flirting with another man at dinner, how she tells her husband about it and how she knows this will change their relationship from that point forwards.

This passage caught some of what this is all about:

Snuggling with him on the couch, I left nothing out, so that he would know he could always trust me, even if I flirted more (and I knew I would). This was no guilty confession, however; it was about connection and, ultimately, seduction. At one point, I saw something — anger, maybe, or jealousy — darken his expression, so I said quickly, “You have to understand: This is not about him. Let’s just use it, OK?” I smiled coquettishly. He got it.

This fantasy is about two things. Firstly, it’s about enjoying the female power of my mistress. It’s the joy of her experiencing her sexuality, her attraction to others, and the power she holds in their attraction to her. It’s affirming her as a sexual being outwith the confines of the relationship; someone worth desiring; someone worth serving.

But it’s also about our relationship. It’s about sharing something. It’s about the submission of granting her this right, outside the normal boundaries of a relationship, while asking nothing similar for myself. It’s about submission gifted and dominance joyfully received.

That’s what it’s about.

Picture by Paul Bence

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